Forms


Subject: Spice Girls Application Form

Name:
      
Age:
      
Real Age:
      
How would you best describe yourself? 
( ) An energetic self-starter
( ) A team player
( ) A tasty, albeit untalented, bit of crumpet 
     
Do you have any detectable vestige of talent, besides your tits? 
     
Would it bother you to be the target of unrelenting hatred? 
     
"I am willing to trade sexual favours for a career in the music 
industry."  ( )Yes  ( )No
     
How many times have you been kicked out of a karaoke bar? 
      
Does nudity bother you? If so, give three excuses for your portfolio. 
     
Explain the difficulties in identifying the source of individual free 
will in light of the deterministic theories of neurochemical medicine 
and modern behavioralist psychology.  Just kidding!!
Seriously, do you like leather mini-skirts? ( )Yes  ( )No 
     
Are you deceptively attractive in coloured or stroboscopic light? 
( )Yes ( )No
     
Choose an appropriate nickname: Sexy, Nasty, Sweetie, Syphilis, Lardy, 
Sickly, Sporty, Slappy.
     
Choose an appropriate image:
( ) Cute, blonde, appeals to paedophiles 
( ) Tub of lard
( ) Bloke.  In a tracksuit.
( ) Vacant stare, no discernible brain activity 
( ) Terrifying to small children and old men
( ) All of the above
   
Do you promise to make one album and then go away forever? 
( )Yes ( )No
    
If two trains leave Liverpool an hour apart at 90 kilometres and 75 
kilometres an hour respectively, how would you look in a bikini?
     
If required as part of your contract, would you be willing to help 
alleviate Prince Charles's loneliness? ( )Yes ( )No
     
In space provided, tell us why you want, why you really, really, want 
this job.


Subject: Military

This was actually posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas website
by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor.  The company, of
course, does not - and made the web department take it down immediately.

_____________________

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. 
In order to protect your new investment, please take a few
moments to fill out the warranty registration card below.

Answering the survey questions is not required, but the
information will help us to develop new products that best meet your
needs and desires.
  1. [_] Mr.  [_] Mrs.  [_] Ms.  [_] Miss  [_] Lt.
  [_] Gen.  [_] Comrade  [_] Classified  [_] Other
  First Name: ......................................................
  Initial: ........
  Last Name: ......................................................

  Password: .............................. (max 8 char)

  Code Name: ......................................................

  Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ...........  ...........  ..........

  2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
   [_] F-14 Tomcat
   [_] F-15 Eagle
   [_] F-16 Falcon
   [_] F-117A Stealth
   [_] Classified

  3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 19....... / ....... / .......

  4. Serial Number: .................................................
  5. Please check where this product was purchased:
   [_] Received as gift / aid package
   [_] Catalog showroom
   [_] Independent arms broker
   [_] Mail order
   [_] Discount store
   [_] Government surplus
   [_] Classified
  6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell
     Douglas product you have just purchased:
   [_] Heard loud noise, looked up
   [_] Store display
   [_] Espionage
   [_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
   [_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
   [_] Was attacked by one
  7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced
     your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
   [_] Style / appearance
   [_] Speed / maneuverability
   [_] Price / value
   [_] Comfort / convenience
   [_] Kickback / bribe
   [_] Recommended by salesperson
   [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
   [_] Advanced Weapons Systems
   [_] Backroom politics
   [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

  8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be
     used:
   [_] North America
   [_] Central / South America
   [_] Aircraft carrier
   [_] Europe
   [_] Middle East
   [_] Africa
   [_] Asia / Far East
   [_] Misc. Third World countries
   [_] Classified
 9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend
     to purchase in the near future:
   [_] Color TV
   [_] VCR
   [_] ICBM
   [_] Killer Satellite
   [_] CD Player
   [_] Air-to-Air Missiles
   [_] Space Shuttle
   [_] Home Computer
   [_] Nuclear Weapon

  10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?
      (Check all that apply:)
   [_] Communist / Socialist
   [_] Terrorist
   [_] Crazed
   [_] Neutral
   [_] Democratic
   [_] Dictatorship
   [_] Corrupt
   [_] Primitive / Tribal

  11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
   [_] Deficit spending
   [_] Cash
   [_] Suitcases of cocaine
   [_] Oil revenues
   [_] Personal check
   [_] Credit card
   [_] Ransom money
   [_] Traveler's check

  12. Your occupation:
   [_] Homemaker
   [_] Sales / marketing
   [_] Revolutionary
   [_] Clerical
   [_] Mercenary
   [_] Tyrant
   [_] Middle management
   [_] Eccentric billionaire
   [_] Defense Minister / General
   [_] Retired
   [_] Student
  13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please
      indicate the interests and activities in which you and your
      spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
   [_] Golf
   [_] Boating / sailing
   [_] Sabotage
   [_] Running / jogging
   [_] Propaganda / disinformation
   [_] Destabilization / overthrow
   [_] Default on loans
   [_] Gardening
   [_] Crafts
   [_] Black market / smuggling
   [_] Collectibles / collections
   [_] Watching sports on TV
   [_] Wines
   [_] Interrogation / torture
   [_] Household pets
   [_] Crushing rebellions
   [_] Espionage / reconnaissance
   [_] Fashion clothing
   [_] Border disputes
   [_] Mutually Assured Destruction


Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your
answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell
Douglas
serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive
mailings and special offers from other companies, governments,
extremist
groups, and mysterious consortia.
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please
write to:
             McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
             Marketing Department
             Military Aerospace Division
             P.O. Box 800, St. Louis, MO


©Eddy Langley - This page last updated 29 January 2005