Engineering


Subject: Comprehending Engineers

Comprehending Engineers - Take One
**********************************

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where
did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was
walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman
rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her
clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded
approvingly,  "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
**********************************

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time
with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The
engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a
wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the
other woman, and you can go to the plant and get some work done."

Comprehending Engineers - Take Three
************************************

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and 
Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

Comprehending Engineers - Take Four
***********************************

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Comprehending Engineers - Take Five
***********************************

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to
be.

Comprehending Engineers - Take Six
**********************************

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the 
possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical 
engineer." Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an 
electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical 
connections." The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who 
else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Comprehending Engineers - Take Seven
************************************

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a 
particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting 
for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never 
seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens 
keeper. Let's have a word with him... Hi George! Say, what's with that 
group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters.

They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we 
always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for 
them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my 
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." 
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Comprehending Engineers - Take Eight
************************************

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him 
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into 
a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned 
it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a 
princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into 
his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a 
beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do 
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a 
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."


Subject: Engineers
        The bridge connecting Boston and Cambridge (Massachusetts) via
Massachusetts Avenue is commonly know as the Harvard Bridge.  When it
was built, the state offered to name the bridge for the Cambridge school
that could present the best claim for the honor.  Harvard submitted an
essay detailing its contributions to education in America, concluding
that it deserved the honor of having a bridge leading into Cambridge
named for the institution.  MIT did a structural analysis of the bridge
and found it so full of defects that they agreed that it should be named
after Harvard.

Subject: TV Engineering Joke
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©Eddy Langley - This page last updated 9 July 2005